Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
