I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
