Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
