I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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