he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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