what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
