oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
