apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
