She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
