fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
