Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
