You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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