i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
