I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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