i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
