That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
