After last night, I could never be a politician.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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