Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
