then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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