I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
