I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
