My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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