If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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