Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
