She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
