I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
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