He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
