just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
