the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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