I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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