well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
