My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
i think i just lost a toe
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
