direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
