i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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