haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
