well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
