We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
