dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
