doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Just puked most of my soul out..
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
