She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
