I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
