i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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