The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
