i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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