I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
