battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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