Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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