Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
