READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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