I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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